Among all of these opportunities, very rarely are we presented with an impending long walk with a friend, or a slow and ponderous conversation over a good meal, or simply time spent in quiet with a loved one. And when we are enjoying one of these slower activities, how often are we interrupted by some technological form of communication?

It seems to me that successful friendship, like most things, requires focus. This type of focus is often achieved while on walks, or sharing a drink at a bar, or even sitting on a bench and watching people go by. It is not a purpose oriented focus. It is an awareness of the other person combined with a lack of awareness of the self. It is a kind of “flow.” A being in the moment.

Perhaps this is how modern technology can be so destructive: It demands attention. It distracts from what you’re engaged in, and calls attention to itself. For example, what do I do when I’m on a long walk with my wife, and the phone rings? Usually, I ignore it. But while it is ringing, I am pulled away from the flow of movement between us, if even briefly.

It is a wonderful feeling, to find freedom from that tug. The other day we went on a walk without our phones or wallets. Just keys. It was liberating. There was nothing but us and our surroundings. This is a big part of why I want to move out West: To more easily find myself surrounded by natural distractions, instead of technological distraction.

Seneca wrote that when you have decided to accept someone as a friend, “welcome him heart and soul, and speak as unreservedly with him as you would with yourself.”

This is a wonderful idea, and ideal that I believe we should strive for.

But…

I often find it so difficult to spend quality time with myself, thinking about my life “unreservedly.” When I have the chance to reflect, I check my email. When I have the chance to plan my day, I read the New York Times. Of course, this does not happen all the time, but so often I feel technology pulling me away from the type of thoughtfulness that comes with a deep friendship. And if I cannot be thoughtful on my own, how can I honestly welcome a friend into my heart and soul?

This is a big part of why I am doing this project of digesting an idea each day.

Right now, I am sitting in one of my favorite coffeeshops in Brooklyn. There’s a wall-sized window to my right. People are strolling past pushing strollers, engaged in conversation, or briskly walking towards their destation, wherever that may be.

In this world of distractions, I am becoming more and more convinced that one must build habits of focus. Not focus in terms of concentrated work, but focus in the sense of sticking with a single idea. Not focus in terms of reading a magazine cover to cover, but contemplating one idea in that magazine. Not focus in the sense of frantically accomplishing many things over the course of a day, but accomplishing one or two things.

How often do you seen someone fiddling with their phone while in the middle of a conversation? This person is trying to walk two paths. They are not focusing.

Think about what Robert Frost meant when he wrote “I took the path less traveled by.” Whether or not that was the right choice is beside the point. He was able to get somewhere because he chose a path. As we travel through our days, we should choose one path, instead of splitting ourselves down the middle and taking both.